Missing Home

I am always torn between living my life to the fullest and going home to my folks and spend time with them and serve them, not because it's my obligation but because I really wanna do it. As I am working overseas I don't get a lot of time and chances to spend time with my family. I can't remember when I started feeling this way. I just realize one day that I wanna retire from the outside world and go home and spend the rest of my living days being with my old folks in our little village. But at the same time, I wanna see pieces of the world. I wanna experience things, I wanna travel more and my ultimate goal is to visit Switzerland and the countryside of Italy. I wanna see more concerts and fulfill my fangirl goals. I wanna laze around in beautiful, off the beaten path islands. So you see, I'm really torn. And the fact that I cannot retire because I'm broke and I don't have the right to go home and be a bum (hahaha). Also if I don't work I cannot provide for my family, ugh the life of the poor (hehehe)

Because of the NCov-19 I didn't go home for my summer break. I was supposed to go home and spend my summer break with my family, it was unplanned but our dearest uncle is sick and my sister and my cousins decided to send me back home for summer break. To be honest I don't like riding the airplane and I was worried how am I gonna survive my journey home alone and with fear of flying. It was stressing me out,  but I was still willing to do it for the love of my family and just to see our sick uncle. Oh well, just weeks before my flight the pandemic broke and the world shut down so are airports and flights were canceled. Countries closed their borders and they just locked down. I was relieved that it was canceled before my schedule because I realize if I went home then it will leave us with no extra income and I might get trap there, a lot of Filipinos that went home to the Philippines are having a hard time coming back here in Thailand. Now is the time that we need money to sustain our family's needs and our sick uncle's medication. So I'm thankful that I didn't get to go home. I am still blessed to keep my job amidst the pandemic and the mass lay off and mass firing. They cut our school allowance but at least we still get paid for our basic salary. It is not enough but I survived, I got to eat and buy things and I was able to support my family. I am just waiting for this pandemic to be over, for a cure or vaccine I will take the first chance I get to go home in the Philippines. 

         “Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” –Michael J. Fox